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Nine Communication Boosters

1. Internalize the feel-good factor

Each day in the morning, gaze at yourself in the mirror, and state all the wonderful things about yourself. Besides, you need to look after yourself properly in order to ensure that you can work on your confidence levels far more easily. Learn to consume healthy food, follow a regular fitness regimen, get sufficient rest, and learn to be contented and happy.

2. Learn to interact

Interacting with people constitutes a successful method of improving your self-confidence. Therefore, never shy away from meeting with other people, build new friendships, and develop business relations. If initially, you find it difficult and embarrassing to approach people, whom you have never met before, do not hesitate to take the assistance of others to make the necessary introductions and set the conversation ball rolling.

3. Overcome your self-consciousness

Now the other extreme of being self-confident is self-consciousness. Therefore, ensure you overcome your self-consciousness by doing away with the apprehension and nervousness from your system. This can be achieved by directing your mind on something else instead of concentrating on the subject that makes you feel self-conscious or by confronting the dread directly.

4. Entertain encouraging thoughts

If you believe that it is just not possible to develop self- confidence, then you will never be able to do it. Always bear in mind, that if you are devoid of self-confidence this day, then it will be missing for your entire life. You will then end up being sad and wretched. Thus, for your own good, learn to adopt an optimistic attitude that will ensure you transform your current uncertain state.

5. Pat yourself for mission accomplished

When you have achieved what you had set out to do in the first place, pat yourself on the back for a job well done and give yourself a treat. You can go shopping for something you have set your sights on or go out for a quite, relaxed dinner or in whichever way you prefer.

6. Select a role model

Select a person who can be the perfect example of self-confidence. Possibly, it could be somebody from your office, maybe your superior. Or, it could be a television celebrity or a public stalwart. However, exercise caution when selecting your role model. You should be able to glean something useful from this person.

7. Assume responsibility

People who do not assume any kind of responsibility are the ones who feel that it is quite impossible to do the job properly. Do you belong to that category? In order to boost your confidence levels, you need to know how to assume responsibility. You need not take on something huge. Begin with simple tasks that you can perform and then take it from there.

8. Establish realistic goals

The absence of self-confidence actually starts when you are of the opinion that you are not capable enough to accept the job or you are inept at completing the job. Therefore, to ensure that you alter these views, establish personal goals that you are capable of attaining. Start in a small way like pursuing your everyday routine. After that, you can start to set more advanced and tough goals. The point to be noted here is to do things gradually, first achieving the lower level before moving on to the next higher level.

9. Learn to be positive

Never consider yourself a hopeless person, who could never do things the proper way since you have never adopted a positive demeanor. Never concentrate on the discouraging moments of your life. Rather, remember the positive things you have realized in life.

Implement these guidelines in your life, this very moment and before long, you will find your confidence levels on the rise.

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In order to build self-confidence, children must not only experience success, but also have more opportunities to succeed. Failures (which are really ’setbacks’) should be small and should teach the child something useful. Above all, children must not be protected from such ‘failures’, or from finding out the consequences for themselves, as parents are apt to do. Otherwise, the first time youngsters experience a major setback they will not be able to deal with it. It’s the little ‘failures’ and frustrations of life, the very things parents themselves have experienced in their own development yet wish to prevent for their children, that build personal confidence, resilience, security, a feeling of competence and self-reliance. When they are denied their share of ‘failures’ or opportunities to act on their own because of being over-protected, children become anxious, incapable and dependent. They also tend to be early under-achievers, lacking that basic belief in their abilities which is necessary for successful development.

Importantly, the routine interactions and expectations within the family underpin self-confidence in children. How often do you openly and readily recognise your child for being successful? Compare that to how often you notice your child when he is doing something wrong. How often do you praise her? Hug and embrace her? Challenge him? Tell him how much he means to you?

Even the worst-behaved children are successful and positive most of the time.

It is a constant attention to negativity, an unrealistic desire for perfection, a distrust of tour children a desire for them to live out our dreams in exactly the way we wish, as well as a failure to give children the necessary room for their own growth, which strangle any form of positive behaviour and keep us disappointed in them as people.

To compensate for that, an increasing proportion of the younger generation is always attempting to imitate a celebrity whom they idolise. In many ways this is an attempt to disguise the lack of confidence in themselves by trying to portray a new look or face to other people. They pretend to be someone else, especially for the benefit of the significant others, like their friends, from whom they are striving to gain approval or recognition. Imitating a star is fine, but not at the expense of one’s own body or health. Some people might take it to the extreme where they develop an eating disorder, like anorexia, in an attempt to alter their physical appearance to resemble someone they admire. This is very likely to damage their body, self esteem and spirit. However, the most common influence on the individual is the effect of the environment where she/he grew up and the conditions of family life.

The Destructiveness of Divorce for Children

For example, the majority of divorces will not have a happy ending. All the frustration and anger that have accumulated as a result of the conflict in the parents’ relationship are likely to be placed on the child, who becomes sensitive to such negativity, especially if he/she is between the ages of five and ten. That’s when he is likely to blame himself for what happens between his parents. Yet, it is in these crucial years that a child requires security and support to maintain a healthy emotional development. In a situation where the parents are dealing with the upheaval of a divorce and need to appear blameless, each parent is likely to push that child towards taking his/her side, which becomes emotionally divisive and plays a huge part in destroying the child’s esteem, trust and self-belief, just at the time when he/she is really hurting because of the break-up and needs them most. A traumatic or insecure childhood inevitably affects our ability to form successful relationships as adults.

It is thus not so difficult to see the important role self-confidence and esteem have in our development, which makes it imperative for children to be rewarded, praised and reinforced as valued people.

It is just that we tend to focus on their negative aspects and become unusually alert to what we do not like, often forgetting to reinforce what we do enjoy about them. From these early beginnings, confidence and esteem eternally revolve in a subtle reinforcement of self-worth, each aspect quietly influencing, yet being dominated by, the other. Building personal esteem is thus the first step towards true contentment and a more rewarding life. High self-esteem increases your confidence which helps you gradually to learn to appreciate and respect yourself. In turn that helps you to respect others, to improve your interactions, relationships, achievements and your own happiness.

On the other hand, low self-esteem causes fear and insecurity. Other people’s desires are likely to take preference over your own and the harsh voice of disapproval being cultivated inside you will cause you to stumble at every hurdle. Eventually, any kind of challenge appears impossible. Truly confident people take full responsibility for their lives. They also encourage others to take responsibility for their own actions and to make decisions for themselves without trying to manipulate or dictate the outcome. True self-esteem values itself. It says, ‘I can do’, ‘I can have’ and ‘I can make my life what I desire it to be’. Low self-esteem simply says, ‘I’m not good enough’ or ‘I can’t’.

Image : http://www.flickr.com

What Having NO Money Does To A Person’s Mind

Napoleon Hill, in discussing the “Six Ghosts of Fear” (in his book Think and Grow Rich), explained that he chose to write the book on how to get money because the fear of poverty does great damage – especially psychologically – to those it takes hold of. Drawing from the writing of one Westbrook Pegler, Hill described the deteriorating self-esteem/confidence that plagues a person who lacks money, and how this consequently affects his/her physical appearance – in the way s/he carries him/herself(e.g. drooping shoulders) etc.

When a person lacks money, Hill wrote, s/he is more prone to feeling inferior to others who have it, even though s/he may know they are not his/her equal in ability or intellect. Also, even though they may not say so to his/her face, s/he will be conscious of the fact that others may view him/her with pity. The feeling of inadequacy arising from a lack of money will worsen even when s/he borrows money. I would add that this will be more so if s/he is forced to do so to cover living expenses, instead of directing it a productive activity that can enable him/her command earned income which will eliminate the need for further borrowing.

Only few people are able to maintain the mental discipline needed to avoid falling into the incapacitating state of mind described above, when they come face to face with a lack of money. Yet, those who persevere in the face of this most difficult form of testing, stand the greatest chance of succeeding in achieving any goal they set for themselves. To achieve success one needs to understand HOW to maintain an upbeat mental state so as to overcome the challenge of a lack of money if/when it has to be confronted.

What Will Happen If/When YOU Run Out Of Money?

So let me ask you. What will you be like when you have absolutely no money – or when you are – as Burt Dubin would say – “Maxed to the hilt”? Will you be as self-confident as you are when you have money? Do your clothes make you or do you make your clothes? Does your judgment or assessment of another person – whether or not to respect him/her – depend on what car s/he rides? Or is it influenced by the clothes, material possessions, social status of those he/she moves with etc? What are your values? What is it that readily commands your attention and interest? You need to know yourself!

Every adult with responsibility naturally dreads running out of cash. Not only can it be embarrassing and humiliating, it also has the potential to cause problems with those who depends on us – children, spouses etc. Relationships and marriages can be greatly threatened during periods of financial hardship, and very often only the ability of the couple or partners to endure will save the situation.

Most importantly, the ability to pick oneself up and work hard to eliminate the situation that creates one’s lack of money, depends very greatly on having a healthy level of self-esteem and confidence. This in turn requires the person concerned, to develop a mental attitude that separates one’s feeling of self-worth from that based on acquiring material possessions – especially money.

But maybe I’m assuming too much here. Perhaps I should have started by asking : Has it(i.e. running out of money) ever happened to you before? Really? I don’t mean the situation where you know your salary will come next week and you run out this week, and have to borrow till you pay back when your salary comes through. Nor do I mean a period when you lack cash and have friends bail you out once, after which things return to normal. What I’m talking about here is a situation where you run out of money, have no one to ask for it, and have run out of options of what you can do – or sell – to get money!

What A Lack Of Money Means(Employees Versus Entrepreneurs)

Having been an employee, prior to becoming an entrepreneur, I can say without fear of contradiction that the psychological impact of a lack of money can be significantly MORE devastating for a self-employed person. The mental attitude of an employee compared to that of a self-employed person, when it concerns money, and how to get/spend it, can be VERY different. The former frequently spend in the assurance of an inflow to replace what they expend. The latter, will usually spend conscious of the need to conserve cash for times when it may not be as accessible.

For those who have experienced it, there is hardly anyone who will disagree that running out of cash is the most painful and discouraging experience anyone can undergo. For an entrepreneur, prolonged exposure to this situation can lead to a decision to give up, even though one would ordinarily not want to. Lack of money creates an atmosphere and feeling of hopelessness and helplessness for the affected person(s), and very often to come out of the resultant depression, the individual will need to demonstrate rare courage and self-belief.

Many who met with me during periods when I lacked money, never even suspected that I was in such dire straits. The audience that listened to me at Corona Schools Trust Council could never have suspected I did not have ANY money on me when I came to deliver my 1 hour talk that day in May 2002, after which I was engaged to speak to staff in all their branches!

I even recall mentioning during my talk about how “you cannot tell when some people don’t have money on them, because they continue to act as confidently as they would, when they do have money!” They all laughed when I said that. What they did not know, was that I was doing exactly THAT, right there and then, while speaking to them!

And that’s the way I handled myself all through those times. Someone once said “To become successful, pretend you already are!”

Can Lack Of Cash Put Your “Marriage/Relationship” Asunder?

Do you have a spouse/family? Do you think you know your spouse very well – intimately? Would you boldly say you know what your spouse will or will not SAY or DO to YOU, regardless of how bad things get – especially financially? For many couples, the correct answers to those questions would be difficult to predict.

In certain societies, when people court each other towards getting married, one of the prime considerations is often the “net worth” (if you can call it that) of the other person. Your friends, relatives, colleagues etc want to know “If s/he has a job; Where? Does s/he get good pay?” etc.

If they like what they hear, they then congratulate you. Very few will ask you if you love each other. If you’re the type that needs others to “approve” of you, you might “find” a way to choose someone that would be “acceptable” to those whose approval you seek.

The sad result is sometimes that two fundamentally incompatible, but outwardly well-matched people tie the knot, and embark on what becomes a turbulent marital adventure. I have worked closely with someone who frequently stayed out late, after work, just so as to get home when his spouse had gone to bed. There were in fact situations where extended family members repeatedly had to intervene in squabbles between this husband and wife.

One thing that often tends to be at the root of this problem – whether the couples readily admit it or not – is MONEY. I won’t bore you with any stories or details. But if you think you know your spouse (or “fiancé/fiancée), especially where it has to do with money and its ready availability, you “may” need to “think again”. My advice is that you try(if possible) to get to see your partner at his/her worst, in relation to “lack of money” as soon as possible BEFORE you start the venture you intend.

This will prepare you for the worst. Some people KNOW that their spouse’s “love” for them is directly correlated with the “ready” availability of money. This knowledge is what keeps them from taking the “risk” of starting their businesses – much as they would have loved to. It could be suicidal if you decide to go ahead without “testing”, and making sure about this for yourself. Assuming s/he will “understand” if things are difficult initially would not be a smart thing to do.

The books may not say this often, but many marriages have disintegrated during the tough start-up phases that a spouse’s new business had to go through. The other person would have tried to share in the vision/endure the “suffering”. But somewhere along the line, s/he probably could not hold faith any longer. So, the “fights” begin – the “tired” partner saying nasty things to his/her already embattled entrepreneur spouse – and they eventually separate. When you read the autobiographies of some successful entrepreneurs, you’ll find that they never mention their spouses at any point all through the book. The problem described above is probably the reason why.

So, I ask you again. Do you KNOW your spouse well? Do you KNOW what s/he will or will not do should things get really tough in the process of starting-up your business? Remember that when difficulties arise, you will need all the support and encouragement you can get. Be sure that the closest person to you is the type that will actually give you that.

The last thing you want, when you’re trying to keep an upbeat mental state, is someone telling you how stupid you were to have made this or that mistake. Or reminding you of how the family could have been better off, if you hadn’t insisted on plunging all your savings/benefits into your “hair-brained” idea for a venture.

My purpose here, is to help you eliminate “grey areas” in your thinking about where problems will likely come from, when you start your business. Oh, and by the way, if you also have kids, PLEASE make sure you set aside adequate funds to cater for them, all through the start-up phase. If you cannot do this, then seriously consider waiting till you can. Do not jeopardise the security of your family. Believe me when I say I KNOW what this feels like!

A lot of worrying issues that you never anticipated might just come from the home front. You would be wise to get yourself well and truly forearmed. Lastly, what about YOU? Will YOU be the problem in YOUR home when you have no money?

Your Level Of Self-Confidence MUST BE INDEPENDENT Of The Size Of Your Bank Account

One of the main reasons why I am writing this article is also to give anyone who is passing through a similar experience, something to hold on to, in addition to what s/he might learn from the books written by authors like Cook and Hill.

No matter how bad his/her financial situation may get, a true entrepreneur will always be able to dig deep and find the courage based on his/her convictions, to continue undaunted. A lack of money will never prevent him/her from speaking confidently and passionately about his/her business to prospects, clients or investors. Neither will it cause him/her to accept negativity from others who lack understanding of the role of adversity in the entrepreneur’s development.

In short, I am saying your level of self-confidence as an entrepreneur must be INDEPENDENT of the size of your bank account, IF you want to succeed perpetually!

“The spirit, the will to win, and the will to excel are the things that endure. These qualities are so much more important than the events that occur. – Vince Lombardi

‘Inside each of us are powers so strong, treasures so rich, possibilities so endless, that to command them all to action would change the history of the world.’–A Hero In Every Heart